"It started with a message on Instagram," Harma recalls. "He introduced himself as Freddy and we started chatting. He said he was in the US army and travelled a lot." A bond developed through their online conversations, Harma says. "He was a widower, his wife had died of cancer. He had a daughter who was at boarding school. We got to know each other better and better. Or so I thought."
‘Freddy’ said he needed a strong woman like Harma. "That made sense to me. If you’re in a relationship with someone in the military, you need to be strong. Especially when they are deployed to war zones." Like the time he said he was in Ukraine. "We spoke on WhatsApp. He said his entire team had been wiped out and that he had been beaten up." Over those three years, there were also periods with little contact. "Then he was supposedly in a war zone again with poor reception."
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"Falling in love at a distance","richBody":{"value":"Falling in love from a distance is real, Harma knows. "I was crazy about him." So she said yes when ‘Freddy’ asked her to enter into a military marriage. "He explained that it meant you were married for the army. Sixty per cent of the salary would go to the wife and forty per cent to the man, because the wife had to pay for everything." Such a marriage does not exist. "But over time, you start to trust someone. That’s what scammers exploit."
Alongside all the pleasant conversations and compliments, he also asked her for help. All that messaging and internet use was costing him a lot of money, he said. "It was expensive for him. That’s why he asked me to buy prepaid cards for him, Google Play cards and Steam cards."
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"Gold and silver sold","richBody":{"value":"But that wasn’t all, Harma explains. "I did much more. I sold gold and silver that belonged to my parents because he was supposedly coming to see me. To arrange for him to stay here for a few weeks, he would need to be bought out of his duties, as someone would have to temporarily take over his work"” In total, she lost €8,900.
At a certain point, Harma received a message from ING asking her to get in touch. "They had blocked my account because money was repeatedly being spent on those prepaid cards. They found that suspicious. I sent them all kinds of photos, including the marriage contract. They said: we can only conclude that this is fraud."
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"Scammer exposed","richBody":{"value":""My own circle kept saying: he isn’t real. But when you’re in love, you don’t want to hear that. People try to open your eyes, but love makes you blind. The son of a friend eventually exposed him, just before Christmas, together with one of his friends. They managed to trace him via a number in Gambia. They even managed to video call him. There was a man lying on a couch, and you could see a large screen where all kinds of things were being tracked. At some point there was cheering. Apparently, they had reached a milestone."
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"Betrayed trust","richBody":{"value":"Losing so much money hurts, Harma says. "But what hurts even more is that my trust was betrayed so deeply. They know exactly how to approach you and how to manipulate you." She has now blocked him in every possible way, yet she still receives emails from scammers. Contact with people who have gone through the same thing can offer support. Via victim support organisation Slachtofferhulp Nederland, for example, you can sign up for a peer support meeting, either in person or online. There is also an online community where you can share experiences with others in a similar situation.
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"What can you do about dating scams?","richBody":{"value":"Unfortunately, Harma became victim of a dating scam. In dating fraud, you are contacted by a stranger via social media, a dating platform or email. The contact feels pleasant and reassuring. After a while, the other person wants to visit you. Or something bad happens, such as an accident or illness. Then comes the request to transfer money. Scammers are extremely skilled at building trust. They are kind, understanding and attentive. That makes it very difficult to recognise the warning signs.
"}},{"componentType":"sectionTitle"},{"componentType":"paragraph","title":"Could you be a victim?","richBody":{"value":"Contact the ING Hotline. They can assess the situation and advise on the next steps. You can reach our Fraud Help Line via chat on weekdays from 8:30 to 17:00. The Fraud Help Line is also available by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on +31 20 22 888 00.
Want more tips? Visit our page on dating scams.
"}},{"componentType":"linkList","iconTitle":{"icon":{"transformBaseUrl":"https://assets.ing.com/transform/f52818ae-9791-4ef7-9799-d3f991c2e3b4/Functionalities-Lock_Confirmation_Outline","type":"image","width":32,"altTextNL":"\"\"","original":"https://assets.ing.com/m/5b979bd44d912a17/original/Functionalities-Lock_Confirmation_Outline.svg","extension":"svg"},"title":"Safe banking"},"textLinks":[{"url":"/en/bank/safe-banking/report-fraud","text":"Report fraud to the Hotline"},{"url":"/de-ing/veilig-bankieren/soorten-oplichting-fraude","text":"More types of scams and fraud"},{"url":"https://zowerktfraude.nl/","text":"Recognising & preventing fraud"},{"url":"/en/bank/safe-banking/5-bs/update-your-browser-and-operating-system","text":"Which browser, even with screen reader"}]}]}}}